A Message From Your Moderator

Dear Friends,

Nice to see my blog get such exposure. Having been in radio at times in my life, it's very strange to speak live behind a mic and not know if anyone is listening. It feels that way when I publish so much original content on the web unless there is a 'stats' page I can check. I rarely hear from my international readers and I am always curious about my friends in places where it is wrong to be Christian, and also wrong to be gay. I can't imagine it being illegal to be a homosexual, and I also can't imagine it being against the law to be a Christian. What an enormous challenge it must be to be both Christian and gay in some places around the globe, like my readers in the Middle East. I wish I could go and visit you, give you a big bear hug, pray with you and dress you up in rainbows! But you have to be yourself as well as surviving in your culture, which in my free country (of the United States of America) I don't have to worry much about. I can relate a little bit because I spent a dozen years in anti-gay churches and I hid myself in church work and conservative culture.

One thing I do understand is depression. In fact I am disabled because of living with a form of depression. I have been big into mental health since coming out and spending less time in churches. For years I was not treated for this illness and relied purely on faith many times. I do not recommend a "faith only" approach to any illness, even mental illness, but I can tell you that prayer can sure be amazing to lift a black cloud of depression. For long term care, I highly recommend a holistic approach to treating any chemical mood disorder, and add your spirituality to your blend of cures and therapies. When it comes to what I call "situational depression", for instance grief or acute Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), medication may not be a good idea, but prayer can sure bring joy, relief, hope and even healing. One cure for situational depression is emotional healing. There are some wonderful forms of prayer that can bring much healing to our fragile feelings. This note, I hope to inspire my readers who are in oppressive cultures that I mentioned before to come to Christ, lay down those burdens and find peace (Matthew 11:28).

While in prayer this weekend, I felt like something I was doing was being a "light" to nations. I wonder if some of that could be this blog. I don't travel well, and don't go overseas often, so it's hard for someone like me to reach other countries. I never really know what kind of an effect these articles have on people's faith. I know that before I came out in 2006, I would have loved to see not only a blog for LGBT people, but prayer writings that went beyond written liturgy to talking about hearing from God. I thought for years that someone who was openly gay and okay with it would be shut off from divine communion with God. As someone who has a "spirit filled" faith background since 1994, I would have not been impressed with much of the "gay" religion, especially the extremely theologically liberal denomination I grew up with. I am a guy who likes experiential faith, proof that God exists, results and answers; especially answers to prayers. Some folks pray just because it brings them comfort. Well, bless their hearts. I'm not like that. I want the time in prayer I invest to mean something, change things and have positive results. I rolled with the Holy Rollers and there was a lot of reality with that aside from all the phony stuff I saw over the years. So, when I found out that there were Spirit Filled lesbian, gay, bi and even transgendered ministers, I was thrilled. LGBT people that were flowing in Apostolic fervor, prophetic unction and healing anointing; it gave me hope that it was acceptable to be who I was: Christian and gay.

I am so grateful to people like: Apostle Naomi Harvey, Susan and Debbie George, Apostle Dale Jarrett and his wonderful partner; and the many Holy Spirit anointed pastors I have met that are to many to mention. Another thing I want to mention is a site that linked to my blog...

Dear, outmaturity.com

I was thrilled to see your article on prayer and depression and your link to my prayer blog.  I want to thank you folks so much for linking to my site (under the word prayer) - I hope to see more sites about prayer for the LGBT community! As someone living with depression, I am glad to see you cover these issues.

Blessings and gay bear hugs

Jason

Oregon, USA

(photo thanks to Malcolm - me, drumming with Metropolitan Community Church, Gay Pride March, Portland, Ore.)

Gay Bars, Gay Bears and Christianity

Summer of 2009 has been quite a life changing experience traveling around the west coast states. I was hoping to make some contacts and find opportunities to further my music performing and art projects and work on some things for my documentary film. That really has not happened, however I have gotten to get closer to family and even some of my extended family.

One of the themes I keep seeing in my travels as I meet folks in the LGBT community are faith issues. It seems like for some crazy reason, gay issues have been really a hot topic in the church but it seems like church is a really hot topic in the gay community. Everyone has a story, and although most stories seem the same, I hear some unique situations in the lives of LGBT people that have really challenged my views.

Most of the people I have talked to on this trip are gay men, and mostly in the Portland, Oregon area. Portland is in the middle of rustic logger Oregon conservative culture with lots of religious influence. There is also this extreme polarity of this post “hippie” culture all over Oregon, mostly in the college towns and everywhere you look in many areas of the Portland metro area.

I grew up near North Portland on NE 31st near Killingsworth and close to the “hood” which was notorious for drive-by shootings, drug and gang violence. Fifteen years later I am shocked to find these hip-trendy-yuppie businesses all over my old neighborhood that I remember to be a commercial ghost town. Art and music on the street, bicycles ruling the traffic and everything “organic” has replaced the abandoned old boarded up storefronts on streets like Killingsworth and Alberta. Also, the gay community has really emerged from a few parts of town to several areas of Portland, with gay and gay-friendly establishments in parts of town I would have never expected.


With all this exploring, I still have not come up with an answer to how most gay men in this area view Christianity. I have gotten an earful (that’s for sure) of what I am calling my “crash course” in gay culture. I guess this the stuff I missed when I came out over three years ago. My “gay lifestyle” upon coming out consisted of moving into a suburban Kentucky ranch house with an older man with a big family who fed me constantly with “meat and potatoes” as well as feeling an isolation from the mainstream of gay culture. I am seeing that I really did not miss much! I would much rather be back in a private quiet family kind of life gaining another 50 pounds than cruising a downtown queer fashion show with a bunch of shallow queens telling me how to dress. Another contrast is this “bear” community that I have been so drawn to. By learning how not to dress, the bears counter the counter-culture of gay life to a new extreme, however I find so much of the empty sexually-driven naughty ways that I see in the gay mainstream.

So how does faith fit into all of this? Men love to talk about themselves and I am one of them. I find myself at gay and gay-friendly establishments hearing about people’s lives and most of the time sharing my life as well. Most gay bars/restaurants in Portland are unusually friendly to strangers, and I am defiantly strange. With my long hair and flannel shirt, I look like a hippie and one guy even said that I looked intimidating! But I still find that even though I have to assert myself, folks are pretty welcoming and willing to talk to me, even about God. The gay-bar experiences I have had in Middle-America were just plain pathetic with the exception of meeting a guy in a cowboy bar, but he turned out to be the creepy guy that I blocked online…


Before I mingled with LGBT folks, I came to a place in my isolated nice little Christian world that I felt like Church was everywhere, and everywhere there were hurting people and when people hurt they either go to church or mostly to some kind of escape (well then, some churches can be an emotional escape I suppose). The most common “church” that folks seem to go to in Western culture are bars because they are like community centers for just about every kind of community that adults can find. Because I don’t drink, cafes were always my “bar”, and they were great opportunities to talk to people about life and faith but with an intellectual thrust as opposed to bars which I find people letting their guard down quite a lot.

When I lived in Anchorage, I found that some of my church friends were reaching out to bars, clubs, taverns and pubs mostly through music. There were times, mostly in the 1990’s where I could find myself playing gospel songs and hymns in some really dumpy dives, including the Salty Dog in Homer, Alaska and in the bar on an Alaskan ferry boat on its way to Ketchikan. This would stir up some interesting demons, that’s for sure.

Now that I am more comfortably mingling with people in gay establishments, I find even more that gays love religion! I always thought this was sort-of true, but I see that religion is really gay (in my opinion) - just turn on Trinity Broadcasting and watch “Praise the Lord”, it is sooooooooo gay. Catholic stuff also is very gay in so many ways, its funny.

Another reason why I believe that lesbian and gay people are drawn to religion and spirituality is because of several similar themes that I find in the lives of LGBT folks. These traits include: creativity, intuition, awareness of self (feeling isolated and the search for the authentic because of gender-related rejection and even abuse…), and sensitivity to a deeper look into life. Most of us who are “enchanted” (I learned that one in California) are forced with facing self at some time in our life as opposed to many heterosexuals who can blend in with their surrounding culture and feel automatically accepted in it. Straight people in Ohio are some of the most non-interesting folks I have met around the globe, and living there made me realize that some people can go through life never having to discover or even challenge who they are.

We see that gay and lesbian people are “sensitive”, however sensitivity is not always a bad thing. A truly spiritual person has to be sensitive to the Spirit (sensitive to God) as well as sensitive to the needs of others.

Talking about Christianity in bars to strangers is really uncool, however I am surprised at how willing people are in gay bars. I also wonder if lesbian and gay folks realize more of their hunger and need for God than straight people? As I mentioned before, faith is a hot topic in the gay community as well, but if there is so much animosity, disappointment and outright disgust coming from LGBTs how come we are so open to matters regarding the church? Based on my experience, some of this may be because of my experiences with “ex-gay” programs and my desire to continue the social justice and advocacy work trying to raise awareness using creative efforts. I guess that looks really cool, and even a lot of straight folks are all ears when they find this piece of my life after probing a bit. “What on earth made you want to move to Kentucky?” people may ask, and not wanting to open up my straight-jail-can-of-worms, I feel like responding, “are you sure you want to know?”

I guess what I find with gay men in particular is a hardness of heart toward the church with some mixed sentiments added as well. It is the saddest when I find that so many gays still see the Bible as anti-gay. As educated and opinionated as so many are, I still wonder if most of these guys form their opinions of the Bible from the pulpits of the ignorant instead of being enlightened with the source itself. Since coming out I have tried to follow the Bible more in principal, not in practice. It is not a rule-book to me, it’s an oracle. It gives me wisdom and hope. I also have learned to see God as not the one ultimately to blame for everything negative that happens, but as the answer; to question self rather than question the Creator.

However, with those I come across as I plunge into what seems to be a deeper look into main stream gay culture (and mingling with “bears”), I am saddened by this sort of cynical-critic attitude that causes one to try to figure out things from afar and yet never seeming to dig deep enough into the subject of faith in a deep personal experience. As I have written earlier, guilt is one of the greatest hindrances to prayer for the gay and lesbian community. Some guilt needs to be forgiven and some guilt just needs to be educated (false guilt over sexual identity needs the light of truth to free someone); and not knowing the difference causes so much confusion and frustration that so many put up a mental block when if comes to their personal relationship with God through Christ. On the other hand, it is all so easy to discuss religion when it does not challenge the individual to face their self.

On a closing note, this faith “mental block” reminds me of the many dear people that I have visited on my journey so far, and how I am asked to fix computer problems. For some men and women, no matter how desperately I try to use non-technical terminology and make things simple, repeated, written whatever… Some still feel so overwhelmed by the whole experience that they can’t seem to grasp a single concept about computer maintenance. It could be mixed with all the baggage of past computer crashes, all the useless stuff they bought that was not the right hardware and software; and a deep inferiority complex toward younger generations when if comes to technology. It could be mixed with the pride they had ten even twenty years ago of how good they were at computers, and there is fear of loosing data, fear of loosing a sentimental PC that needs to be replaced and perhaps other psychological barriers. Fixing a PC is annoying enough, that’s why I bought a mac. But I find that I not only get involved with playing this computer “hero” which makes me feel so all-powerful, I have found that my greatest challenges with being a tech-support-vigilante is not the “blue screen of death”. It is breaking through all of the mental barriers that people have unconsciously erected and that takes a much bigger hero than I may ever be.

The good thing about these mental barriers and hardened hearts is that prayer is the answer to cure spiritually blinded eyes and open spiritually deafened ears. Learning how to strategically wage war against these little enemies of the truth is based on knowledge as well as your closeness to God. The bad news is that debating alone will produce little results and may even prove to be counter-productive. Right now in my life, my studies and the effectiveness of my spiritual influence (which I admit is lower that it has been) I am realizing now that I need to move from this sort of “collecting-a-big-gay-prayer-list” to moving into answered prayer. As we Christians know about the faith pioneers and saints that their actions were seeded by a burden. Luther seeing the brothels for clerics on his first trip to Rome was a seed that produced a holy restlessness. These burdens are from the Lord when you feel the guilt and pain of another as if you are Christ carrying their sins. But these spiritual emotions may be there for you to take them to the cross, to intercede in prayer, devotions, fasting… That is when the debate ends, the argument is cast down and the confusion ends: the one we have in our heart is knocked off the fence into either a Damascus road experience of submitting to the Light, or a bitter decision to truly turn away and consciously follow a path that leads away from God.

So anyway, as I finish this much larger article than I wanted to write, I am reminded how blessed I am in a nation where I can wear a cross to show my faith, and a rainbow to show my identity without having to be imprisoned, tortured or executed as a result. It is wonderful to know so many lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people that so freely worship Christ. I am typing on my aunt’s laptop by their pool north of Seattle on a warm evening. Her partner and young daughter play in the family room after we had dinner together. My aunt, saying grace thanked God for my visit and things like that reminded me of how many LGBT Christian families are out there.

The War Against The Religious Right - How Should Gay Christians Fight?

The War Against The Religious Right - How Should Gay Christians Fight?

By Jason T. Ingram - January, 2008


Most of the LGBT Christian community has been hurt by the conservative anti-gay works that has been going on all over the world in some way. Some of us have been devastated by the things said and done against us. However, whatever has happened to us, as Christians we are commanded to forgive and to love. We are also commanded to pray for those who persecute us. I see a war waged against us by what many call the "Religious Right" and this war uses weapons of propaganda, misinformation and efforts to pass laws that limit the rights and visibility of LGBT people.

I am a man that grew up extreme liberal. When I came to Christ at age 20, I found myself in a culture that was conservative, and I adapted. I believe that makes me a man who has lived in extremes. From anti-war protests (where there was flag burning and other illegal acts) to being involved in patriotic services. In my late teens, I was with a group of Earth First members protesting at a Native American site that was being de-forested to, at age 21, being involved with a pro-live rally. After I "came out" Spring on 2006, I remained a Republican, for the simple fact that conservative Americans seem to make efforts to support issues regarding the faith, and when it came to identifying myself more as gay, or as a Christian, I believe that Christian is more of how I like to define myself.


We see how easy it is for many on the religious right to "demonize" LGBT people. What I mean by that is how some make us look like the enemy. Some have tried to make us look like we are demon possessed, doomed to eternal destruction, criminals, and the one I dislike the most: not able to be Christian. I have seen us in the gay and lesbian world do the same to those in the religious right. I have also heard LGBT Christians use some strong attitudes against other Christian groups.

An LGBT pastor and I were talking about the ex-gay ministry I was involved with, and this pastor made a reference to Matthew 7:21-23 in reference to these ex-gay leaders (“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’) and I believe that's a strong statement to use against a group of people this pastor never met.

I recently finished a book on gay activism and Christianity in which I enjoyed most of the book and the amazing stories through out the main bulk of it. I even began to grow an interest in being involved in activism until I read further. This book, and like many other lesbian and gay activists who give accounts of the religious right distorting the truth, seemed to use similar tactics in which the conservative anti-gay folks were using.

If I am going to fight against propaganda, rhetoric, and bending the truth, I would not want to use those same tactics to expose my opponents. That could misrepresent my message. I admit that I am trying to be careful as I write this, knowing that I am in danger of being a third party in this matter. If I am writing this article against fighting fire with fire, I can not come in against both sides and add some fire of my own, so if I am being an accuser to the conservative Christians, or the LGBT Christians, I want to know.

I have read from a gay perspective, that the religious right are our enemies. I do not ever want to think this way, nor be guilty of the same thing that many have done to the LGBT community. They may not see how important we are, however we need to see how important they are. I am sure that just about every leader in the LGBT Christian community had their roots in religion that is not affirming of lesbian and gay people. I can not imagine where I would be today if it was not for the little Baptist Rescue Mission in Anchorage, Alaska and for the Foursquare church that I attended afterward. As a young man suffering with mental illness, confused about my own orientation, lonely and needy, I am sure that I would have ended up in a lot of trouble. Yes, there were a lot of hurts done to me in the twelve years that I remained in the closet in conservative churches, schools and ministries; however I thank the Lord that I spent those years growing in the things of God.

The New Testament makes it clear about who our real enemies are, like in 2 Corinthians 10:3-4 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds. Also in Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Most Christians that I have met that are anti-gay, are that way for what seems to be the following reasons. First off, they simply don't know and understand much about LGBT people. Second, if they are straight and they don't know many gays, that these issues are not enough of a big deal to investigate the truth. Third, because of this, folks respond to what they know from society and what they hear from pulpits. Fourth, Christians can interpret the Bible trying to use ancient applications to God given commands and principals.

Where it starts getting ugly is when Christians, and especially Christian leaders that have media backing begin to believe that accepting gays will lead to the end of this great nation of ours. I have written letters to ministries who take such a stand, letting them know what I believe and how I feel about their opinions.

There are those who are insincere and have a heart full of hatred, desiring to see the ruin of certain groups of people that welcome LGBT people because of our current status in mainstream culture. There are also those who are in fact sincere. If sincere Christians are suggested such outrageous ideas that bring oppression to so many lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people, I believe those ideas come from hell, and not from man. Some people have their heart right, but their head messed up. Heaven is full of dear saints that have gone on to be with Jesus that held to opinions that go against gays and lesbians. Also, to their surprise, heaven is also full of lesbians and gays as well who believed in Christ for their salvation.

Soon after I came out, I began to explore organizations that were in favor of our cause and I was surprised at some of the initial statements used to describe some of them. I remember seeing the word "attack" used in order to expose and combat ex-gay and anti-gay organizations and material. Not only that, these were Christian groups fighting Christian groups.

From a medical standpoint, this sounds like a massive autoimmune disorder. What I know about this term has to do with the body's natural defensive systems (including natural body chemistry etc...) fighting essential body functions as opposed to fighting against things that are truly destroying the body. This happens as a result of a freak of nature, a tiny evil being multiplies itself within a body spreading this disease and making a healthy body fooled into fighting itself.

Friendly fire, from a military perspective, is not really friendly at all. That is when the "good guys" accidentally kill other "good guys" and is a result of errors, extreme pressure, lack of experience, negligence, bad decisions and tactical ignorance.

Another example has to do with computers. I was recently reviewing anti-spyware software when I came across a review from a consumer who wrote about this particular software erasing a few essential components of his operating system as well as spyware. This well intended program did the very opposite of what it was designed for.

My last example has to do with sibling rivalry. Imagine several groups of Christians who we will call children of Christ. These children disagree on some issues and break off communicating with each other. The human conscience can be developed in many ways, including knowledge, and knowledge is limited. Therefore division is inevitable between parties who refuse to learn and understand each other. I have not only seen this all over churches I have ministered in, but in my own family as well. I have a family member that will not talk to her sister because of something that happened in 1989.


My response to the rightly beloved (and leftly despised) statement of, "love the sinner but hate the sin" in reference to lesbian and gay people is this: love demands understanding. If we do not understand our opposers, and see what motivates them, perhaps we are guilty of their same judgmental attitudes. I hope that some day, the Christians who oppose gay rights and other related issues will learn to understand us.

Another note is that I am not opposed to activism. I am simply questioning some of the methods used by gay activists and desire that we evaluate ourselves to see if we may be guilty of the same faults as they are. There is a very important place for activists in favor of gay rights. Without activists our lives as LGBT people would be even more difficult then it is now. Its the same with the work done in the last few hundred years in the areas of equal rights for women and people of color.

When I see injustice in any degree happening around me, whether it is at work, at home or church, I have found that if I pray and be led by the Holy Spirit in the situation, God provides the solution. Sometimes I sense that I am to speak out on the situation however, much of the time it seems like I just need to keep pressing in to effective heartfelt prayer. Also, at the same time we can remember how much social justice work was sparked by faith in Christ and began within church communities through the centuries. The prophets of old risked their lives like many do today, in order to stand against harm that was, and is being done.

It is also important to keep a pure heart toward anyone who has betrayed and hurt us because of who we are. Proverbs 17:9 (Amplified Bible) says "He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends." While writing this article, I shared these ideas to a few men close to me (my partner and my Dad) and they came to the same conclusion that a leader in the LGBT church can minister what looks like justice, but could really be operating out of hurt and therefore hurting others. Times where I tried to expose the faults of others seems only to backfire on me. I have found this principal in several places in the Bible. I love how the Amplified Bible states James 5:16B "The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working]."

On a personal note, I have lived in the conservative and the liberal world. I have seen both sides make the same mistakes. In 2006, I came out to the world about coming to terms with my orientation and in 2007 I came to terms with living with a mental illness and my commitment to getting treatment as well as informing others of the process. I wonder if in 2008, I will come out again in the political area as an "extreme moderate". Maybe this is not the place to make a joke about politics, but on the serious side, there could be some truth in that. As a gay Christian myself, I see this politically as me honoring my faith and orientation. Most Christians veer toward the right and gays to the left. I have a lot of thoughts about pros and cons about liberal and conservative politics, and perhaps some day I will write more about them. As an extreme moderate, I see this stand as an extreme refusal to be extreme on either side. I identify myself as a Christian and gay.

Gay secularists fight the Body of Christ enough, and we as LGBT Christians do not need to join in. There are indeed times where we need to stand up for the truth and we need to find ways to counteract the lies and ignorance without injuring so many of God's people who take anti-gay positions. Let us unite as a force of prayer warriors and non-violent equal rights activists with a powerful spiritual covering through organized prayer, and radical acts of love.

So this "war" on what many call the Religious Right should destroy things invisible: hatred, ignorance, fear, intolerance and judgment. I believe we can fight against these things while setting examples of integrity and faith while we injure no part of the universal congregations of the followers of the Christian faith.

God Bless,

Jason Ingram