Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Update on my life this year

Personal Stuff...

Life has been good lately. I am starting some new journeys in my life, one of them being that I am seeking help to heal from trauma, most of it brought on by anti-gay stuff I did in churches most of my adult life. It's hard to go to a worship service without getting anxious, especially if I know that it is an anti-gay type church. I am still having a more difficult time writing my stories about the "ex-gay" stuff I was in, it's so painful. Turning forty this year has been an opportunity to grow, calling this year my, "year of wellness" and self care. I'm not working as much, but trying to focus on things that are blocking any personal success. I'm also more outspoken about the fact I have a bi side, maybe I'm a 5 on the Kinsey scale - but not enough to hold on to a long term relationship with a lady. Single again, and not really looking, which is a good thing for me. Took the summer off working with churches but back doing church music and maybe some teaching again.

I wonder if it's safe to assume that most of my readers are seeking information about prayer because they want a more spirit-centered life. My life right now, although as a Christian it feels strange to admit, is more of a logic-centered life. Reason being, I have acted way too "spiritual" while making a lot of bad decisions; for instance, going through five years of anti-gay programs that did not work but only made me worse. I still had this mentality that God is speaking to me through everything, and I was having a hard time distinguishing from dreams, what I thought were omens, various preachers, bible passages that seem to stand out and other things that catch my attention.

One of my favorite comedy shows, My Name Is Earl, had a great quote in an episode where a tornado kept blowing this bible into the hands of a character who thought it was a sign from God. Another character responded:

"Natural disasters are stressful times in which people ascribe heightened meaning to random events of physics"

Some of us who are more prone to be impulsive, intuitive and creative need to follow wisdom instead of focusing on trying to be overly spiritual in decision making. I don't want to be one of those saints who always say things like "God told me..." then most of the time have it not be God talking at all.

However, there are most of us people of faith who could really use some spiritual direction. That's where prayer comes in. Quality, informed, intentional, sincere prayer.

Jason singing a piece from "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" at an Oregon Bears fundraiser - thanks to Ice Wolf Photography

No comments: